Which Im not. I normally dont post anything on here when Im upset, but Ive been kind of down and out lately.
Ive been working my butt off on trying to obtain a job and have seriously applied to about 100 places or more. And Ive got ONE interview (which is this upcoming friday) but Im not sure exactly how thats going to go or if Im even going to get the job. I really think the manager of this place is humoring the hell out of me. Because I walked in to turn in my application and I guess she didnt hear me correctly so just snapped back with a "WE'RE NOT HIRING" and I was like "o_o... oh... alright... well I filled out an application.... soo.... sorry" and thats when she was like "WHO GAVE THAT TO YOU?" and whatnot. So she looked at it real fast, asked me how to pronounce my last name, and then went and was like "you have an interview this day and this time but realize that its only part time." blah blah blah. So I think she is just humoring me with this interview, seeing as THEY ARE NOT HIRING. So.... yay for wasting gas. I really want a job right now. I think it would definitely give me something to do and keep my hands and thoughts busy. I was thinking of getting like 2 jobs over the summer or possibly 3. I guess it all depends on how much I get paid and how many hours I get. I just have a feeling that if I do get hired anywhere, Im going to get really piss poor hours and Im not going to make any money. Which Im wanting to move out and get a house this fall with a couple friends on mine for the next school year. But now Im paranoid that I wont be able to pay rent. Because once school starts I will have to lower it down to just one job (possibly two, I highly doubt it) and I dont know if that will be enough to cover costs (and I need to start saving to pay for college blah!) Since my dad just informed me that he isnt going to be paying for it anymore. EVEN THOUGH, he informed me that if I stayed within the state that he would pay for my college, so instead of going to the college I orginially wanted to go, Im staying here.... to pay for a college I didnt originally want to go to. BLAH.
I'm also having issues with my boyfriend. (if this isnt a new teenage bitch topic lol) He's been acting a little different than how he used to treat me, so I asked him if he still loved me last night and he got mad at me for asking that. And I was like "you used to tell me you loved me all the time and you were way more affectionate to me before, Im just left at a loss on your emotional state and how exactly you're feeling." And he wouldnt answer me. If that wasnt the biggest "hell no" I dont know what it is. He ended up getting upset with me and informing me that I didnt know enough about him like he thought I did and blah blah blah. It just upset me even more. Cause it was a really simple question that he didn't have to make into a bigger deal than what it became. If he did, a yes would be nice for reassurance. If not, then I dont know, maybe he and I should move on. Im still at somewhat of a loss. Im not exactly sure what to do or if I should do anything. I like romance and affection and Im just not getting it anymore. and it makes me so sad because he used to be so great and I loved him so much and now everything is just one big joke after another. Blah. Its not like things were going horrible, mind you. Things were actually going better than what they had the previous months, but I'm missing that affectionate side of him he used to show to me, and Im really upset I didnt treasure it even moreso than I already did; but I had no idea that he was just going to cold turkey stop telling me he loved me and then slowly die down from being affectionate all together.
Blah; I dunno. Im just getting bothered and I think Im just bothering myself and like I said before, Im not sure what Im going to do. He kind of just stopped responding to me last night, without answering. Im just a little upset right now, and a little down in the dumps.
To add to it, everyone around me is getting proposed to or is talking about getting married and whatnot. And it makes me so envious because I've been with my boyfriend longer than they have been in their relationship and have watched the new man/or woman, come into their lives and I have watched them grow and now Im watching them talk about getting married and buying engagement rings and its like "wow.... thats so nice.... My boyfriend doesnt even want to talk about living with me let alone the idea of possibly getting married" And its not like Im going to be like "OMG EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING MARRIED. WHY CANT WE?!" (cause we definitely do have a long way to go) But I think the relationship couldve turned out a hell of a lot easier if their were different choices and different ways situations were approached on both of our parts. But regardless, it makes me envious. (I wanna be a bride!)
(My best friend just informed me that her boyfriend proposed to her and I'm excited for her definitely! But still envious! I wish I could be in something like that~ Cause they are both really happy together and really affectionate <3 ((maybe too affectionate <_<) lol) but its just the principle of the matter. It sort of sucks (its not the end of the world or anything) but I cant say that Im not emotionally touched by it, even if just a little bit.

So yea. there is my long ass rant full of nothingness and lameness. But I wanted to get that out. So~ I might delete this within a couple days. I DONT KNOW. :\ just some things suck right now.